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20% Project: Learning To Surf
​#authenticlearning

Pushing Past Fear

10/26/2014

8 Comments

 
Picture
Yup that's me.  And if you had asked me ten years ago if I ever thought I'd see a picture of myself laying on a surfboard out in the ocean, the answer would have been a definite "no."  For as long as I can remember I have wanted to learn to become comfortable out in the ocean with the waves, but simultaneously scared to death of those waves.  I share this now because it is nothing short of amazing that I am actually learning to surf, and excited about doing so.  For years if I was facing something scary in life, my dreams at night would feature me facing down giant looming waves that threatened to crash down on me.  These were nightmares that I would wake from, heart pounding and sweaty.  My fear of waves was without explanation, but real.  I distinctively remember a day in Rhode Island about 15 years ago where my my boys' father spent probably four hours trying to cajole me to get into the Atlantic and swim around.  He knew I really wanted to, but my fear was too big.  It was kind of ridiculous.  Since that time I have slowly ventured into the water.  Becoming a mother, especially to three little boys who are adventurous and fearless, helped that along for sure.  My husband, Scott, surfs as often as he can and is teaching my boys now too, so surfing is becoming part of my family culture for sure.  

The most pivotal moment so far in my learning to surf was a quiet moment of fear I had out in the water at the very beginning of the project. I was out with my son Lohgan, and he was helping to push me into some whitewash waves so I could start out.  At one point he told me that if we went out just a little bit farther it would be easier for me because we would be closer to where the waves were breaking, and that stronger power of the breaking wave would give me more momentum.  Immediately I felt my heart beat faster and anxiety crept into my chest.  Lohgan could see on my face that I was scared to go out farther.  He said, "It's ok Mom. Trust me. You'll be ok out there. I'll be with you."  His words, spoken so calmly, and with so much sincerity and love, calmed me down immediately, and I knew that what he said was true.  I just had to trust him and know that I could do it.  How many times had I told him in his 13 years to trust me?  And because he did trust me all those times, I knew he was trying to offer me that beautiful sense of calm that I have offered him so many times in his life.  He flipped the tables on me and parented me in that moment.  Just thinking about his calming words and absolute belief in me in that moment makes me emotional, and I'll never forget that moment with my son. I did trust him- I took a deep breath and allowed him to pull me out farther.  The next 30 minutes out there in the water with him were so fun. Yes- my heart beat a bit faster for awhile, and I had the adrenaline flowing- but boy, did I know I was alive!   I stood up on the board four or five times, laughed a lot, and felt like I had overcome something large that had been blocking me from something I really wanted to do.  Overcoming that fear was huge for me.

This Saturday as I headed out into the water I sent my husband out to surf while I reacquainted myself with the water.  Each time I put on my wetsuit and head out, I have the old fear that creeps up, so I have to take a few minutes in the water at my own pace, and re-establish my comfort level.  It's nice quiet time for me.  Then, feeling some equilibrium, I paddle out and begin the fun of paddling, bobbing, and crashing over and over- occasionally standing up on the board and remaining upright for a few seconds.  It really is fun. Scott eventually finished his surf session, grabbed my camera, and walked out on the jetty to take some pictures and video of me for my blog.  I probably stood up on four or five waves- smiling big every time.  I had a few good wipeouts too.  Once the board slammed sideways into the sand and I slammed into the board with my ribs.  Ouch.  But I kept going.  My focus for the next two weeks is to practice popping up and getting my feet under me faster.  I think it will just take a lot of repetition and practice.  I've added some more upper body and core strength workouts too, as I know those will help me with paddling, balance, and keeping my lower back from being sore all the time.

For this weekend's surf session the most peaceful, illuminating moment for me was when a lull in the waves occurred and there was calm water for a few minutes.  I laid there on my board, bobbing up and down on the water in the sunshine, and reveling in how good it felt to be out there.  The sound of the water, the feel of it, and also the realization that my heartbeat had found a slower, calmer rhythm out there too.  :)  I am truly grateful for this project.  It is adding positive to my life, and I LOVE it.


8 Comments
Sara Chai
10/26/2014 09:33:42 am

Michelle, I am so glad you are positively overcoming that fear of the waves! What a wonderful thing it must be to be in the midst of where the waves are yet calmly experiencing the beauty of the ocean. As I ran today, I was wondering how I can keep up my learning as a positive challenge even after our official time of documenting is up. You remind me how positively beneficial this process is!

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Mom
10/26/2014 02:56:04 pm

This is true that waves have been a frightful thing in your life, but waves of favor displace fear this season. Your son is witness-the one who has already stepped out further. Just say "favor, favor, favor," and check out the beautiful true story film adaptation of the Perfect Wave.

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christine lombardo
10/27/2014 11:34:16 am

Michele,
What a cool story! I remember you once told me that you had oceanphobia. That makes you twice as brave! I'm pretty comfortable in the water but scared to death of a surfboard hitting me in the teeth. Yor courage may inspire me to face my fears yet! Keep up the good work! Love your writing! P.S.You totally LOOK like a surfer girl! Hi to Scott!

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Kerry Strong
10/30/2014 08:22:35 am

What a great post! Isn't it funny how as mom's we feel the need to be so brave for our kids, but really they help push us to our limits too? I found that as I got older I became more fearful of the ocean. I love the ocean though, and as a kid spent every Friday night of my summers at the beach and in the water until it was too dark to see. I can't even imagine making myself do that now! Letting my girls go in the water also panics me- it seems so irrational since I did it as a kid. Maybe my mom was terrified to, but was brave and took a leap of faith and let me experience the power of the waves without imposing her fears? I just love that you're doing this though and working through the fear because it does have big pay-offs in the end. Your family will always remember "the time mom learned to surf."

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Julie Dobbins
10/31/2014 03:53:04 am

Beautifully said. The moment with Lohgan is truly priceless.
I love you and think you are amazing. xo

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Noura Qatarneh
11/1/2014 11:31:43 am

Wow.. That is brave..
i cant stop repeating the videos.. I am sure with all the courage and determination you will become a great surfer..
Stay positive :)

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Raquel link
11/5/2014 09:27:37 pm

Michelle,
I am so impressed with what you selected, and have accomplished, for you project. I too have a fear of the ocean and water in general. I never learned how to swim but cannot now because of this fear. It is amazing that your project included such a challenge for you and that you were able to work through it. It seems that you have gained so much from this project. Congratulations.

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Matthew Decking link
11/9/2014 04:46:40 pm

What a great project Michelle! I hope things continue to go well for you out in the water, and your fears become less and less. As a beginning surfer, it's definitely hard to overcome the fear of the power of the ocean. I remember when I was about eight-years-old, learning how to surf, and one time getting pounded by some beach break waves in Oceanside. I was so scared, but made it to the outside where my foster brother said to me, "Matt, you have to change your perspective! You have to think about getting pounded as being fun." I looked at him like he was crazy, but did my best to change my mindset that day. The next few waves continued to beat me down and I continued to cry my eyes out, but eventually realized I wasn't getting hurt, just a ton of water up my sinuses. When I left the water that day, I had a huge smile on my face. I had had a 'fun' session after all. Maybe, you've been able to change your perspective on your own, but if not, you are welcome to the advice of a twisted teenager looking to torture his little brother;) Best of luck, and stick with it!

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  • Hello
  • Along The Way
  • #schooldifferently
  • SDSU/SDCOE MA EdL. Program
    • EDL 630 >
      • 20% Project: Learning To Surf >
        • Resources for Surfing Research
    • EDL 680
    • EDL 610 >
      • Habits
      • Culture
      • Leadership Platform
    • EDL 690
    • EDL640
    • EDL 655
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